Tuesday, October 27, 2009

And then it happened.....A note to my son

I was reflecting back over the last 22 months and boy what a ride. I thought I had life all figured out, and knew what I wanted to do. Then the miracle happened. I found out about you. At first I didn't know what I was going to do, or if being a Mom although a long time dream was something I could do. I remember that fateful day sitting alone on the couch shaking and saying oh my god I'm having a baby! And then it finally hit oh my God I'm responsible for another person. I was instantly in love with the idea of a baby but so terrified at the same time. Was I going to be able to meet the physical and financial demands? Then dad said something that made it better he said "Well we can't worry about the money the baby's coming ready or not, and just do the best you can." I immediately started to focus on "baby", and trying to do the best I could. I had a really easy go of things as far as pregnancy was concerned, but I sure did miss sleeping in a bed. There have only been a few memories that I wish I could replace. The first time you ended up in children's hospital as well as the second time, finding out that breastfeeding wouldn't work out (still regret it), and the time I was too sick to even hold you. I remember the first time you were in the hospital the first thing I said was get him out of that huge crib I can't see him. Then they switched you to a bassinet. Then crying every time you did, and begging for my Jason. Oh the good times we've shared. Your firsts were amazing to me, and this year you did something that is etched in my heart forever. You looked at me one day out of the blue you said "Loves Yous Mama." Without a doubt the sweetest thing I've ever heard. I love you so much my Jason, and I've tried to instill that in you from moment one. I can hardly believe that 22 months have gone by so quickly. My heart still skips a beat every time you reach your arms out for me, or demand kisses.

I love you sweetheart you will always be my greatest miracle.

Mom

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